So I picked up a copy of Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works, by dietitians Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole. I knew I needed a way off this shamey-go-round, and had heard of intuitive eating. A debilitating divorce, perimenopause, raising two kids in an increasingly dystopian world, aging parents, and instability in my field saw me regularly eating to excess as a way to escape.Īnyone who has eaten compulsively knows what comes next: the shower of shame at losing control, a stab of panic over gaining weight, followed by a familiar resolve to “do better.” This usually includes avoiding foods that I think might trigger another binge - which leads to feeling deprived. Then, after decades of being “on the wagon” when it came to bingeing, the wagon officially tossed me into a drainage ditch and landed on top of me. Play icon The triangle icon that indicates to play I tell them to STFU, but they whisper in the background on a loop. Even long recovered, the disordered mean-girl voices bicker with each other in my head, wagging a finger at me when I’m up a few pounds, giddy when my jeans are a little loose. I don’t consciously diet to be thinner, but I am preoccupied with eating 'right,' and often feel like I've screwed up when I don’t follow my own rules. Still, food was always a thing I have had to be careful with, the way some are vigilant around alcohol. My weight has been stable and mid-range for decades. With therapy and practice, I figured out healthier ways of managing my emotions than binging, purging, and obsessively dieting. And if you’ve ever dieted to lose weight, restricting certain foods or trying to blot out hunger until your intermittent fasting window opens at precisely noon makes it really hard not to overeat on the rebound.Īs for me, I had a serious eating disorder in my teens and early 20s ( bulimia, if you’re curious). There are a zillion reasons humans eat beyond capacity - we’re bored, tired, distracted, starved for kindness, feel that leaving food behind is wasteful, or were once food insecure and do it instinctively, to name just a few.

Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole